YMonday, December 25, 2006
honestly i couldnt careless whats happening around me!i appreciate everything but seriously,i just need to be alone!im trying to do my best!but if i cant its not my fault!yes,i have a bf but so what?i tried not to use my hp & msg him byk-byk.i tried explaining to him!infact we agreed to study together with some friends!yes,i know im not good in studies!yes,i know im a SLOW learner.but i'll try ok!dari kecik aku tahan sumer nie baru skg korang nak bbl sal ni!but then thank you!i appreciate it.i tried making people happy but i failed.i know,people hate me for who&what i am!but i dont mind.i tried making my family happy but i failed.cause everytime i try making them happy,in other ways,my family hurt me silently.but nobody knows.i dont mind.i have no other friends!eda,dayah,kak ija is the only one left!aliya is my only close cousin,infact i cant let everything out to her.cause we are different in our own ways and my parents keeps banding kan aku ngn dier.&i cant be like her cause im different.my mom lost her money&some jewelleries and im the one to be blame!i tried not to hurt my family in such a way.when family is having financial problems,i work without telling my family.and yes,i did pay my previous bills.and now im gonna do it cause i dont want mom to lost trust in me.and im gonna strive for what i want!i may not be the same like those other teens out there.i may not be nice,smart or anything but atleast i have self-respect!although i may be rude to people at time,i regret after doing such things and i'll just cry!but nobody hear me!NOBODY!and yes,i dont need anyone to help me!im better off by myself!my bf is my best friend!if he's gone,sape nk dgr problem aku sumer.sbb tu aku msg dier hari-hari.and when bill melambong people blame him!its that the right way?if you people think im wrong,then leave me alone.when i want to be somebody different,parents always tell me that "biler kau dah besar,kau ngn kakak kau samer"look!my sis is not bad!shes nice in her own way it just that nobody listens to her.and i dont want to be like her.cause i know how hurt and disappointed my parent was.i wont let the past repeat itself.&i dont want people to compare me!i hate being compared to others.kakak always wanted a older sis and now theres kak leena.im close with parents but they give me love and everything that i want but all i need them to be is understanding and sporting.mr leow told us that you can cheer and hurt people silently by doing just a small action.&i dont have friends,im a loner in sch!eda&the flickers is my only friend i have and if they're gone,im by myself.i may be cheerful but in the inside im not.people hurt me silently but i never did care.i always wanted a smaller sis or bro.and i hope that someday my parents will adopt a baby.but thanks to gegerl,she keeps me accompany all the time.but,i dont blame anyone for this.&kakak,you dont have to tell aliya to talk to me.i know you guys just concern about me.but i know what im doing.i dont need people to talk to me.sorry aliya.but i really appreciate it.i'll try to do my best.&kakak,im gonna pay my own bill.i dont ask mama to pay for me.although you people hurt me silently,i still love you guys(':i've let it out half of my sadness or anger or whatever is called.SORRY!
much love,ika.
1:58 PM
